The first thing I want you to understand, if you really want to wake up, is that you don't want to wake up. The first step to waking up is to be honest enough to admit to yourself that you don't like it. You don't want to be happy. Want a little test? Let's try it. It will take you exactly one minute. You could close your eyes while you're doing it or you could keep them open. It doesn't really matter. Think of someone you love very much, someone you're close to, someone who is precious to you, and say to that person in your mind, "I'd rather have happiness than you." See what happens. "I'd rather be happy than have you. If I had a choice, no question about it, I'd choose happiness." How many of you felt selfish when you said this? Many, it seems. See how we've been brainwashed? See how we've been brainwashed into thinking, "How could I be so selfish?" But look at who's being selfish. Imagine someone saying to you, "How could you be so selfish that you'd choose happiness over me?" Would you not feel like responding, "Pardon me, but how could you be so selfish that you would demand I choose you above my own happiness?!" (Awareness , page 10)
I purchased this book in April 1993 at the Abbey Bookshop on Iona. It was not my first introduction to Anthony de Mello. When I moved from Middlesbrough to Sheffield in August 1989, I was given a copy of his book The Song of the Bird as a parting gift. De Mello was a Jesuit priest, a director of the Sadhana Institution of Pastoral Counseling in Poona, India. The Song of the Bird (and his two volume The Prayer of the Frog ) are collections of stories from a wide range of faith traditions, used in spiritual direction. Awareness is a transcript of one of his courses about the spiritual life. I cannot overstate the extent to which this book has helped me. I have recommended it to many people.
The paragraph (indeed the book) has helped me as a single person. If you're single, it is easy to believe 'all would be wonderful if only I was in a relationship'. It is possible to live a happy and fulfilled life without close companionship. So, perhaps our prayer should be for all who find themselves alone, whether or not they are in a relationship (and whether or not they are happy!).
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